dear diary

 it's the second day of march and i can sense a headache creeping upon me. recently i've rediscovered trilogy by the weeknd; it seems like another year spent with this guy. mentally i'm torn, unready for another term starting in three days now. with february almost entirely free for myself, it really made me lose that sweet, organised rhythm of getting things done. 

february was a deep breath after five months' long run. during those five months i started my first term at uni, put myself in socially uncomfortable situations several times, realised that in fact i can be organised and solid (work wise), passed endless tests (both minor, and major ones), started working part-time, almost moved out of house, made my face recognisable around the department, dreamed about belgrade million times, dreamed about my ex hundreds times, visited my grandma god-knows-how many times, drove ten thousand kilometres back and forth. the hardest part was (and still is) trying to find myself in new roles, trying to figure out where do i fall in this adult world. 

and i still don't know anything. yes, i do suspect several things; no, i don't claim to know a lot. and it's tough, it's frustrating, it makes me drive too fast, so that maybe something happens (but not really, i just like that rush of adrenaline [if there is another universe, i really do hope i'm a rally driver]), it makes me want to rip something apart, throw everything around, scream. but i don't do anything of it, i just open slightly my window, let the traffic noise ground me; fresh air is good, crispy, almost nutritious.

because at the end of the day it's just temporary, and there's no need to indulge in it. sun rises regardless of it all, birds come back with their songs after winter anyway, and i still breath, i still communicate, i still feel, what else is there?

i believe in love, i believe in hope, i believe in setting one's own principles, shaping oneself and living with accordance to it. there's nothing more to it, simply because this is everything and this is enough.